Life.

Lucy died. I didn't realize it'd be so hard. I don't do death. I find it miserable and hard and horrible to deal with . Just absolutely horrible. People shouldn't die. I don't get it. I don't understand it and I really wish it didn't have to happen. The circle of life SUCKS. So bad. It still really freaks me out to see the world still turns and the sun still rises with one less uncontainably amazing person around. Failed a test today too. It was awful. I feel like I'm blaming her for dying and making it hard for me to focus. I just couldn't do it. Which is so weird because she was freaking old. She had a GREAT life and she wanted to die the way she did, quick and naturally. But it still doesn't seem right.

And now I'm super worried about my school again. Was wanting to make all A's. Not going to happen. I don't know what to do.

Life is so confusing and hurtful sometimes. I'm tired of being so down on myself but I don't know how else to be. Boo hoo.